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it doesn't have to be pretty

by backhouse transcendental

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1.
i came down virginia with a pain in my heart and i left my mama cold she though she had just one more chance but i would not go to mexico three leaf clover fescue and rye was the grass growing over the ground i put my sister in the driver side ‘cause i could not make it alone west memphis into arkansas and i do not remember the road by the time we saw the mountainside there was hail from the tornado old black buttons came and told me my one and true desire black buttons came and told me what wasn’t to be mine well i packed my bags and i shaved my face went from dirt road into the sky and i wasn’t till she took me from the rails that she knew what i left behind but i don’t mind you know its always fine i am always ready to go in my mind i’m always looking to find someplace i don’t know i loved her dear and she’s a part or all of everything i know and i’m always surprised at just how fast i was ready to see her go
2.
i didn’t know the chicken in the goat barn was laying out there scratching on the hay the turkey off the hillside i stared giving feed i had to take her away and set her free sally came through the way we do pulling up the tracks as she went through i take a little comfort from the strangest things like a tarring roof and the smell of gasoline take a little a time is it someone else’s time is there some money to be paid pull a little hard time is that hard time or is that something we don’t know nickel in the pay yard rounded down each time i could break that in 2 if it wasn’t for keeping them mine take a little kindness its always fine if theres one thing i’d have you remember it’d be mine take a little time is it someone else’s time how i wish it could be mine pumpkin in the corn patch well no one knew how it planted itself and why it grew
3.
Half a sack 02:30
half a sack of flour and half a sack of seed theres only one thing to get me off my knees and thats one thing indeed what i don’t know won’t take that long it doesn’t make it right but don’t make it sound so wrong when its been so long give me a little time before you know you’re going away give me a little time when i don’t know you’re going away hey little one hanging in that tree you better hold on tight if you know whats good for me and thats one thing indeed everything i do and everything i say doesn’t make any sense to anyone anyway come and see me today
4.
asleep from the whiskey at 7:30 and the name of the city isn’t going to make it seem romantic a silver foil bag on wine and he’s still got it when the morning shines i tried to get it when he wouldn’t know but he just wouldn’t let it go i don’t know if they were good times because i was drinking or if i was because it was bad it those kind of lights i don’t ever see because i’m out before its too dark to see i hold it close but i’ll never let it show if it was only real i could only let it go but it all gone now like we were all gone all the time the kids are running through their clothes like its always summertime its been ten years now since those songs about the wine and i don’t know if you exist or if you were only in my mind
5.
old charlie went down in the mine he didn’t go to get what he could find he didn’t go to get no gold he only went down to go down buckethead would tell that song tell it once and the whole day long never changed or stayed the same never did know never could see never would he tell no reason bobcat would chase that stone roll it till it had some meat of its own dip his paws and run that creek it was one more thing that cat could eat jackdaw don’t sing no song raven made it up all on is own never says how it will end but its just the same as it began never did know no reason
6.
Down around 05:37
i threw out my shoes i didn’t need them to walk away when things get trashed they don’t go that far away lifted up my hat ‘cause the sun wasn’t in my way but i couldn’t see that there was nothing to say and it was down around the time you came on and i was fine around the time you came on just pull me aside when you get out she wouldn’t drive and the trains don’t run that way the tracks are still there but now its an aeroplane i just want to be only as good as i am and i can’t recall being able to change the man i took off her shirt and i gave her my only coat she wasn’t hurt but she was way to cold i just want to be only and all of her and i couldn’t tell anyone before i told her
7.
Norfolk 02:50
amie came running down from norfolk to see the one that he was thinking of she was only the 2nd or the 3rd girl that he loved always tickets for the train now that he’s working those dishes in the club no bills only celebration he kept the money down in a hole in his glove he knew about the sandinistas and the iran contra affair though he didn’t understand it it was the reason for the punk rock way he cut his hair jamie came running with the wonder of the places and the things he’s never seen and one day he just walked out and went somewhere he’d never been and he never said goodbye to that woman and he still hasn’t heard he was two times forgiven but he still doesn’t know about the third
8.
further on up road you’ll find someone you know and you can lay it all out and come down slow i’ve been there too and i know that its true its all the same running down the whole town and running the windmills wild you can wash your ills and feel the way you will and theres nothing to keep the joy from you and always how will come to you know and its all for you everlasting joy
9.
Middle Lila 04:16
when you come down know i’m no good alone when the blacktop winds and the middle lines make the sides past the trees past the trees on the county line where middle lila came to me she’s seen the storms in the atmosphere and she knows how things can get around here but middle lila came to me when you come down know i’m know good alone but middle lila came to me
10.
chemical haze my night lasted all day over the mountain into the sand i only ate one milligram 2 cowboys in a german car running out through the border town dust and breeze underneath the sea and i’d wake up to the beat i only ate one milligram all those lights coming from the sand we didn’t stop to watch them shine coming out through the boundary land to the furniture in the sand i only ate one milligram
11.
drinking off the drive pulling behind a loaded semi drinking mexican liquor from a plastic jug waking up to the deep sunlight wondering how i slept all night the first hour goes so fast when i don’t have to steal the gas all night on a res stop bench with nothing but a mind hey charlie lad they’ll take it all from you if you want it that bad and were we really so confused or did we just drown from what there was to offer from glamour in the underground asleep from the whiskey chorus chords of low g with an aug. and the c up the neck in the same pattern reverting to usual chord starting at line before and i don’t know if you exist harmonics right before closing out with last chord held i’ve never seen anyone take to the 1974 that way i should of just given you the key it had nothing more to give me looking for the perfect sky somewhere in your utah mind sleeping out all night in a blanket in a ditch thats where anyone knows theres no use it finding it home theres just no reason in mind its all been left behind i hate to see you up all night on a plane to follow up on your misery
12.
bring it down slowly and stay down beat it in a head only knowing half the way is read frame the river davey and come down feel the river low unbound and only hi the river so lay down only empty away from being led with memories of moments missing in your head
13.
cousin daniel he went down to the floor little peter picked him up and gave him more back in my town we just talked of getting out there was nothing else worth thinking about bessie'd sing about that evening sun and how it would bring her down but i can see it and it comforts me to know i'll only watch it go so many times around you know i love you there''s no leaving behind i'm along for whatever we find goodtime johnny made his promises and swore and than he put another hole in the door now my hometown doesn't seem so bad though i haven't been there in sometime i had that little room all to myself every day for a while
14.

credits

released December 9, 2014

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backhouse transcendental Portland, Oregon

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